Childbirth Pressure is Destroying my Marriage
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Child birth Pressure Is Destroying My Marriage

21 Comments

I actually thought deciding to go into marriage and leave the singles club means ’till death do us apart’ I also thought a man quitting bachelorhood meant he is ready for the storms preparing to come, whether it’s a good or bad one. Don’t get me wrong marriage is good but comes with its challenges, ask any married couple and they will bear me witness.

I got a visit from a male friend who apparently had to step out of his home for a party without his wife and head to my place afterwards for an advice, but of course his wife knew he was up to something because he has been doing a lot of that recently just to have excuses to be away from the wife and 4 months old baby.

Here it is: I never knew childbirth would have such an outcome on me; honestly I love my wife but I just don’t know what to do any longer. The baby’s demand for everything is taking its toll on me and my marriage. I can’t sleep at night anymore because of his wailing every night, and the nature of my job requires total concentration. Now I resume at work feeling miserable like my life is over.

I’m so sick and tired of all this pressure on my Life. People said the child will grow out of it as soon as he is older, but honestly I don’t believe it because I think he will get demanding as he grows older. I never knew it was going to be like this. I feel for my wife too, she always has to stay awake every night to tend to the baby, he wants to be in our arms at all time, he needs to suck the breast like every 15 to 30 minutes, his diaper needs to be changed several times, I am so out of finances buying everything just for one baby. Will it always be like this? I don’t know for how long I can bear this.

Pressure from Childbirth is Destroying My Marriage

My wife sadly has discovered the effect on me and I feel guilty but I can’t help it, I assist a lot too, and that’s the exact reason why I’m dead fed up. Please what do I do?

He narrated his deep heartfelt feeling of the pressure and I could only feel sympathy for him because he obviously didn’t realise that there was still more yet to come, he is just about 2 years into the marriage.

Of course I gave him my advice since it was too late for me to give him a Pre-baby counselling which I feel every intending couples strongly need to go for.

“Love your wife, your baby, and be supportive. No matter how hard it may seem. She will always be your soulmate and mother of your children. The baby was brought into this world by you and her, he knows nothing other than what you teach him and the care you give him, please take care f him, he trusts you and looks up to you for every single thing in his life. Don’t make up any excuses to neglect your family, be strong, be a man, learn to be strong for them.

Your kind comments and suggestions are highly welcome.

Thank you.

Xoxoxo

21 thoughts on “Child birth Pressure Is Destroying My Marriage”

  1. Wow! I feel sorry for all parties involved. I can totally empathise with your friend’s situation. I was basically strong-armed into fatherhood (although admittedly not into the act that created the child) and it’s a tough old slog. At times I wish I could run away from it all because it really is the most difficult job in the world. But you find a way of getting through because unconditional love is the strongest bond in the world. Every 100 hard things that happen are eradicated by that one beautiful thing, such as their first roll over, their first steps, the first time they say ‘daddy’. The good always outweighs the bad with parenthood. It’s hard. It’s FUCKING hard! But it’s also amazing. My little boy is presently sat on my knee, fiddling with my fingers and trying to grab my phone making my typing this unnecessarily hard. I don’t care. It’s a labour of love and a job I wouldn’t surrender for ten best selling novels!

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  2. This to shall pass. It’s tough going in the early days – but it does get easier. My advice would be to get some time out together, a date night for just the two of you. Perhaps a family member or friend could watch baby for a few hours? Does baby feed on demand and does your wife express? Perhaps expressing for night feeds (if mum wants to) could mean that he could take turns at feeding baby. We would take turns at bathing baby and putting to bed, so every couple of nights each of us got an hour on our own to do what we pleased. If mum is at home alone during the day, perhaps she should sleep when baby sleeps. Also adult company is important, so she could be looking at baby groups to go to with the little one. It’ll be nice for her to get out and speak to other parents. Routine. Try and get baby into a routine. Babies like a routine after a while (and so do parents). Each day gets better and better! I wrote a blog post about 50 things I wish I’d known before being a mum – a lighthearted look at being a new parent. Good luck 🙂

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  4. Thanks so much for your comment Paul. It’s indeed tough out there for fathers especially new ones. I feel the intensity of your comment and I’m glad you can see the joy of it all which I hope he eventually sees too. Have a great day😊

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I really feel for everyone’s feelings in this matter. Instead of having one baby to deal with, I had a toddler and twin babies! My husband and I had absolutely no sleep and no time together. They weren’t in a routine at all, because the domestic worker that looked after them during the day, made them sleep all day. Because of the expenses of having two babies at once, we also couldn’t afford not to work. The situation however became easier as they were getting older, but at the same time, the bigger the children, the bigger the problems. For the mom, I must admit, bottle feeding is better and from about three months the baby can be given water that had been boiled when he/she wakes up during the night. They will soon realize that the water doesn’t do anything and on about the 3rd night they will sleep right through. Take into consideration, the first two nights are the worst. Good Luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. The early years of marriage are tough but then add children into the mixture and it can be overwhelming! It is so important that the marriage not be neglected. Dates are so important. And it will get better and you will get into the “swing” of parenthood. Learning to give up who you are for the family unit does not come naturally to many men. It is why there are SO many single moms, unfortunately. It is super important that men learn to be fathers and nurturers- not to give up!

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  10. Thanks so much for the comments. It’s been awesome reading your contributions. Please send me the link if you can so that I can reblog it ‘ 50 things I wish I’d known before being a mum’ Have a great day💞

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh my goodness😯 Tough one for men. I’m really beginning to see that lots of men don’t see the children Side of the marriage being the type of people God created them or maybe they just don’t realise the intensity of the demand coming their way. Thanks so much for the contribution. It’s a real eye-opener for those reading the comments😉 Have a lovely day!

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  14. ……..My husband started an affair when our son was about 6 months old. I didn’t find out about it until several months later. Ugh. It was quite possibly one of the worst experiences of my life. I believe it happened as a direct result of going from single…to married…to kids!! There were many dark days, and we almost didn’t pull through. But we did. It is a huge transition, I feel for your friend. Hopefully…he isn’t considering straying. Thank you for sharing this. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh so sorry about that. Thankfully you guys pulled through. I really do hope he won’t stray. I hope the love they have for each other will make it work. Thanks for your sincerity and kind contribution💝

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Thanks for writing this piece Eddaz. This is one of the problems we have when we approach the altar or married life without having carefully thought about it or actually counted the cost.

    The Bible says no one who places his hands on a plough and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God

    This also applies to everything we do in life
    Nothing goes for nothing. There are hurdles and challenges for any course of life. To e successful at anything means to have passed certain test and surmounted a lot of pressure and difficulties.

    There are prices to pay for being a parent one of which actually is the stress of having to nurse them from infancy stage.

    My opinion is that we should always take our time before making life long decisions such as this and for this man he needs to really deal with himself and accept the fact that he has more responsibilities now. He needs to be there for his wife and child. He needs to structure his life in a new order that welcomes the addition to the family. He can do this if he truly wants and this is a test of love.

    If he doesn’t, this could cause an irreparable damage to the relationship he has with his wife. They can both pull through on this. With prayers and a decision to make it work. He could also try out some books or seek a professional counsel.

    I wish them both the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Thanks so much for the contribution. You are so right about having prices to pay for being a parent. Hopefully he will be stronger to withstand the pressure and adjust to the new life. Xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Hello,

    I hope is not to late to share my experience with you. Believe when I tell you: I feel and know what you are experiencing. I have 2 little kids and they too where once a 4 old month baby who required attention all the time. But don’t forget one thing: You and Your Wife required attention as well.

    What I mean by both of you required attention: “-I can assure you, she is as frustrated as you are, and God willing she wont experience postpartum depression”. Not because you have a baby in your life now, it means your Me & Wife time has to end. Surprising by re-connecting with her, ask a family a member (Because I don’t believe in Nanny’s), to watch your baby 1 – 2 hours every week, even better if you have this person take care of your baby on a Wednesday, the middle of the week exactly when the stress kicks in the most. Surprise her with the date and use those hours to take your wife out. If you don’t have money for a dinner or taking her dancing or the movies that week’s date: It’s All Good!!!

    That means you have her for 2 full hours just for you. Buy a tinny box of chocolates (Ferrero Rocher or the type of chocolates she likes) melt them on the microwave and take her to your room, undress her slowly, pour that chocolate in her body in all the forbidden and lovable place by any woman [You as a husband for sure know which ones they are], pour some chocolate in her breast and lick it slowly, while you remind her how beautiful she is and that there is no else who could ever make you feel the way she does. (This is not me describing a porn novel, not at all). This is me telling you: DON’T MAKE MY MISTAKE.

    Sweep her of her feet, remind her how Hot she is, once in a while tell her: Baby, you are my MILF, drop some Kinky and sweet comments, take a sticky note and write a message for her and stick in the mirror. Say what you need to say, tell her something like: I had forgotten how amazing it is to make love you while I hear you breath deep in my ear, (or any loving message you can think off) try to take her out every week just you and her and if it’s to hard take her on a date every other week, even if it is a simple walk on the park. Go to Walmart buy a 2 dollar rose and when you are walking with her surprise by giving her the rose, remember this words: “It is not the Unexpected Gift, is the Unexpected Moment that makes her not forget what you did”.

    Take it from me Bro. Look check out my blog: https://wwys.wordpress.com/
    Look at our pictures, she was sparkling in our wedding day and so was I and now, for stupid misunderstandings I’m suffering her absence and all I want to do is make up for my mistakes. I wish someone would off told me this in time: “HWHL: Happy Wife, Happy Life”. It is so real Bro, it is an undeniable truth. If she is unhappy you’ll bee unhappy.

    eddaz, Don’t loose the magic that united you with her. Don’t let stress, financial situations and sleep deprivation or anything else take your eyes of what’s important: A Beautiful Baby that God give you. He give you that Baby because He knew you would be the father and husband that your family needs you to be, He knew that you could take that load on your shoulders and be all you need to be for them.

    When a woman loves you: It does not matter, how bad the financial situation will be, she will follow you to the end of the world because regardless of what is happening around you guys, you are the man she needs you to be: Loving, Supportive, Patient, Responsible and above all: Making them your one and only priority.

    I don’t even know you Bro. But the fact that you are sharing your thoughts and feeling out in the open for the world to read, it shows that you really care about your wife and your baby and you really want to live up to the challenge that you’ve taken and decide it to face.

    I’ve discovered over time that most of man react differently to this kid of situations that you are experiencing. I would be the one getting up at night and putting my little girl to sleep in my arms after my wife feed her. (I tried helping her in everything I could, because she was already exhausted for taking care of the house duty and taking care of our little girl)

    Believe me, you don’t have to do much. Just little details: Once in a while tell her: Have I told you lately how awesome you are for taking on this roll and taking care of our baby and me? (Maybe you have done it, screw it do it again). A Marriage it’s like a Job. You need to say what they need to hear.

    Enough talk, go and do what you gotta do Bro. Drop a line on my blog and share your thoughts with me or reply back to this comment I would really like to hear what was the outcome. Don’t forget: Happy Wife, Happy Life.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. It’s easy to say, “be a man and toughen up” but the truth is, just like the pressures of childbirth, we all go into marriage expecting roses and candle lights but the pressures are what causes us to drift apart and be sad and miserable with our marriages. It’s not because we stopped loving each other. It’s because we didn’t know how to handle the pressures together.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Thanks for the contribution. So true that couples always expect the fairy tale never ending story unfortunately they are mostly not prepared for the negative sides of it💞

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